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Friday, September 26, 2014

I Love You, But Can We Go to Sleep Now?

Can I confess something? I'm feeling pretty pooped out. Some days burnt out. This last month has been really busy with the commercial salmon fishing and juggling work, the blog, a clingy 15 month old, keeping my house not looking like a bomb zone, and finding time to spend with hubby. Am I forgetting something? Or right: me.

I recently read a post on Scary Mommy about how Moms sometimes feel like they have nothing left for their hubbies at the end of the day after they've worked and/ or looked after the kids and house, done the school and sports rounds, etc, etc. Is it any wonder? I'm not here to complain, just taking some time to reflect inward and figure out why women feel this way. There's a reason heart disease is such a big killer of us ladies, and it's because we're so busy taking care of everyone and everything else but ourselves. 

I think we need to stop.

I'm not perfect- far from it, but I try hard to be an attentive and loving Mom and wife. But some days, being Mom leaves me little energy to be a wife at the end of the day. I'm sorry my love, but when you put your arm around me and give me that look it isn't an insult to the handsome man I'm looking back at, but the last thing I want to do when I finally sit down is participate in more physical activity.

When we moved out and I still worked outside the home 5 days a week, I felt like there was a little more balance as to who did what. Now, I sometimes feel that it's taken for granted that I'm home most days (even if I'm working at 5 or 6am, during nap, and/ or after bedtime) to cook dinner, clean up, and get ready for the next day. Since having Ari, I have to confess my frustration at being nudged into a more traditional role (I have nothing against how different families do things, but I have always wanted some form of a career outside of my role within my family). Despite my desire to work, both for the extra income and to give me some precious grown up time, (albeit without the breaks and socializing of an office job) I don't always feel like what I do is appreciated as 'work'.  

Talking to some of my girlfriends, I know I'm not alone. One of them even mentioned that couples tend to argue more about who does what after the birth of children because of the skewed balance during the first few months and years of having kids. And when you give of yourself to someone all day, nurturing them, playing with them, teaching them, when they finally go to bed is it so selfish to ask for a few precious moments alone to do something just for you? And I'm not even talking cracking that bottle of wine, I'm just suggesting slumping in an exhausted pile on the couch for the simple pleasure of sitting still and not having to jump up every 10 seconds to chase my youngster. Anything else is bonus.

Will is great at recognizing that I work hard and deserve some me time, but I've always struggled to communicate how mentally (and yes, physically) exhausting it can be to juggle everything  to someone who works in a physically demanding and dangerous job and comes home exhausted (I've even told him not to tell me all the scary work stories, because I'd worry way too much). He's great- amazing- with helping with Ari when he gets home so I can cook dinner without her clinging to my legs and I love that they get this special time together- despite her independent streak. And when he gets time off, he's a trouper with the laundry and vacuuming. But sometimes I just feel as though he's only getting snapshots of what the day can look like. An hour of chasing after Ari and he's pooped (hey, I get it), but I can't help but think try doing that all day. ;)

Some days I just don't think men and women are ever going to 'get each other' and understand exactly what the other does (as the saying goes, until you've walked in my shoes...). And sometimes, I feel like just trying to explain why I'm so tired just adds to my grumbly frustration. This isn't conducive to making me feel warm and fuzzy towards my hubby. Having said all this, I don't think it's fair that our relationships often take second place (or last place) as we go about our daily lives, but it's just the reality for so many. And sadly, why I think so many couples end up separating- we're just too busy. Somewhere, somehow, we need to refocus.

Ladies, what are your thoughts? Gents, I welcome your input too. I'd love to hear how you manage to juggle all the responsibilities in your world.

Thanks for listening. OXOX One tuckered mama ;)

Image Source: Friends Eat

September posts sponsored by Cutie Pie Boutique